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I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yes! In your face, Gandhi! This is the worst part. The calm before the battle. Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor. Who am I making this out to? We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase « upside your head. » It’s toe-tappingly tragic! I don’t ‘need’ to drink. I can quit anytime I want! With gusto.

  • I saw you with those two « ladies of the evening » at Elzars. Explain that.
  • Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets!

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Hey, what kinda party is this? There’s no booze and only one hooker. You mean while I’m sleeping in it? This opera’s as lousy as it is brilliant! Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry!

I didn’t ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy! So, how ’bout them Knicks? Can we have Bender Burgers again?

  1. Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it?
  2. There, now he’s trapped in a book I wrote: a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors!
  3. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him.

I’m Santa Claus! Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be. You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don’t pay you or let you go. I never loved you.